I recently had a conversation with my Grammie Nancy. She is very wise, my Grammie. Her words are simple and matter of fact.. so sometimes I don't realize the effect they have on me until my brain has time to digest them fully. And lately my brain has been stuffed full of shallow and trivial things like, "Ew I need to change the diaper genie because I keep smelling poop in every room of the house." And, "Oh my gosh! Christian just made a new expression (this happens 18 times a day) so I HAVE to instagram/facebook/tweet a picture of it." Stuff like that. So anyway, these lightening bolt thoughts that have resulted from conversations with my Grammie will pop up randomly and usually at inopportune times that don't allow me to fully indulge myself in the the awesomeness of them. So naturally I will have to pull over on the freeway and hurry and regurgitate my jumbled think-lings onto a used napkin to ensure that this life changing realization isn't lost forever.
So this certain story my Grammie shared with me has had an above mentioned effect. Years ago she and my Grandfather lived in Texas. He had finished medical school and was finally in his residency. (And finally making money, I imagine.) They had just purchased their very first home in San Antonio and were new parents to an adorable little girl. (My mother of course..where did you think all my adorableness came from huh?) One weekend night they took a family trip to the River Walk in downtown San Antonio. The River Walk is a charming little outside mall that surrounds the San Antonio river. ( I have actually been and HIGHLY recommend making it a part of your trip if you ever find yourself in San Antonio. It's fabulous.) Back to the story. Grammie, Grandpa and my Mom together in a paddle boat on the River Walk on a perfect summer night. Grammie Nancy looked over at my Grandpa, and then at my Mom and thought to herself, "I am completely content with my life."
As she told me, she smiled at this memory, as did I. It was a perfectly captured moment that I could easily see in my mind.
And I can totally understand her thought. In THAT moment, everything was perfectly content. And considering the circumstances, she had "arrived." But now, 50-something years later with 7 kids, 45 grand kids, a successful career retired of, numerous experiences good and bad, moments of trials and triumphs, I am sure she wouldn't be able to begin to count the number of times she thought.."I am perfectly content with my life." And I'm sure she continues to think this. Cuz she is delightfully positive like that.
And here are the used-napkin-jumbled-thoughts:
My life is full of moments where I think.."when xyz happens...THEN I will be happy. THEN I will have finally "arrived." But "arriving" is an obscure word that I have over and over come to realize I don't really believe in.
2012 has been a really great one for us. I graduated college, we have had success in our jobs, felt financially stable for the first time, have had numerous joyful events in our extended family and bought our first home that we absolutely love. Of course, these all shy in comparison to being first time parents. Christian fills every part of our hearts. Mitch and I frequently look at each other and either laugh or cry at the joy that little boy brings us. There is nothing like it. I too, like Grammie, have had moments of reflection where I find myself perfectly content. But admittedly, I have also had moments of thinking..well I haven't quite arrived yet...I could be more happy if only this... etc etc. How crazy of me to have those gosh stinking thoughts! Last year, when I was a billion and half months pregnant, a billion and a half pounds heavier, a billion and half dollars in debt, living in a 500 square foot apartment, away from husband and had hours and hours of studying to do so that I could pass all the required dental hygiene tests...I would have KILLED for the life I have now. And even then, I still had it good. Very good. There aren't enough lifetimes for me to be able to count all my blessings. EVEN in the worst of times. But silly, stupid me will continue to fight negative thoughts that I should and could be more happy if only...
I honestly believe that being the very happiest you could possibly be is only one small thought away. One small choice away. One small change of your mindset, away.
So if you have gathered anything from my rambling, it should be that. Bloom where you're planted. Come what may and love it. And realize that no matter where you are in life, you live a charmed life. I know I do.